Lord Offa

My Priorities

Lord Offa’s Manifesto.

Local proposals.

1.       Aim to make Powys an independent state.

2.       Make Llanwrtyd Wells the centre for alternative and unusual sports in the UK.

3.       Get rid of all traffic lights in Powys.

4.       I recognize that pubs are at the social heart of many rural villages and towns and I would do my best to change the taxation and licensing of pubs.

5.       Bring back the Welsh National Bike Show to Builth Wells, as we have lost millions of pounds coming into this county from the tourist pound that this weekend brought in.

6.       I would install extractor fans into all local council offices meeting rooms and recycle all the hot air to heat council offices, thus cutting down on the council’s heating bill.

Health proposals.

1.       Free Viagra to everyone over the age of 69. This means that the under 69’s will get a secondary effect from this policy.

2.       NHS Dentistry.

All newly trained dentists will be required to have three teeth removed, 2 fillings and root canal work done without anaesthetic. Then they will know the agony they inflict on the rest of us.

3.       Needles.

       Due to the increasing number of children afraid of needles, I propose the destruction of the                  tedious, scary and often painful process of school vaccinations.

             Instead, I propose that highly trained nurses should be given free rein on the playground with        specially modified tranquillizer rifles which apply vaccinations as well as a tranquillizer. This would have two main benefits: It would be less scary for the children as they will not know what hit them, also it will be more fun for the nurses.

4.       Smiling and laughing with patients will be made compulsory by ward staff, as this will encourage faster recovery (A Laughing Patient Is a Recovering Patient).

5.       To facilitate a moral uplift for nurses the ridiculous paper mountain they have to wade through on each patient's admission will be reduced to a couple of single sheet forms, with unduplicated questions which only relate to the reason for being there.

6.       Happiness is the key to a successful life ... and it’s the small things in life that will keep us happy, we therefore feel it's imperative that sweets, chocolates and small cakes should be made freely available on the NHS.

National Proposals.

1.       It is proposed that all politicians be made to swear a "hippocratic oath", preventing them by law from being Hypocrites. All politicians should be made to stand by their policies, or  at least admit that they were wrong.

2.       The problems of prison overcrowding and increased crime will be solved easily by issuing a compulsory contract on McDonalds to do all prison catering. Conservative estimates suggest a 50% reduction in crime rates within 2 years with 0% re-offender figures.

3.       All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one.

4.       All the parties are calling for change but the Monster Raving Loony party don’t want change and that’s why we propose to bring out a 99p coin, thus reducing the change in our pockets.

5.       Policy on Iraq: Since Iraq needs to have a proper infrastructure before they can run their own country, I propose we send our traffic wardens out to Iraq to give tickets to American Jeeps and Tanks illegally parked thereby raising much needed revenue for the Iraq government (and giving us a much needed break!).

6.       Government Whips will only be used if a politician has been really bad. Minor offences should receive the political slipper.

7.       Ozzy Osborne must receive a knighthood.

Education proposals.

1.       short questions like the Maths papers have.

2.       Homework should be banned as it is bad enough for kids having to go to school letalone bring it home with them.

3.       Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.

4.       In order to keep our teachers fit, 3 periods a week of PE will be allocated for teachers/headmasters and any ancillary staff who happen to be in the area (i.e dinner ladies etc,) (and pupils get to watch. Skipping for men and football for ladies).

5.       All teachers should come to school dressed as pink teddy bears then they willnot be so intimidating.

6.       It is proposed that, before the beginning of exams, the exam board will select a certain obscure phrase which will be kept secret. If any pupil inadvertently writes this phrase in any exam, he/she will automatically receive straight A* grades, and a free teddy.

7.       To reduce class sizes, we propose that the children should be made to sit closer together.

My Experience

Name:Chris RogersAge:45Lives:Llandrindod WellsMarried:Yes, to CathChildren:Two boys, Lee 18 Sean 14Job:CarerEducation (school/further/higher - degree subject):High schoolHobbies:Martial arts, going to cinema, live music and readingFavourite singer OR band:Loads, too many to mentionWhat book are you currently reading:Seven ancient wonders by Matthew ReillyFavourite TV Show:24*Why do you want to be an MP?